I had a lot of fun making these, I hope others enjoy them too..
The soaps are available in four types:
Essence of Cog:
At the heart of every manic contraption is a cunning clockwork (and if there is not, by Jove, there ought to be!) Gears mesh against one another in perfect synchronicity, whirring and clicking against one another in a symphony of creation.
In the Steampunkerie laboratory our scientists have been hard at work harnessing the essence of this miraculous device and after much experimentation have succeeded in distilling the very essence of cog. In doing so they have also succeeded in answering a question that has plagued us all for far too long:
What do you get the steampunk who has everything?
Makes them devilishly hard to buy a gift for.. if they see a need for something, off they go to their laboratory, workshop or underground lair and emerge a mere few hours or days later with an awe inspiring contraption!
If they are the type who does not let small niceties such as regular ablutions get in the way of SCIENCE! Then this thoughtful gift may be just the ticket – it will prove to be a welcome gift to both recipient and bestower. The delightful perfume of this soap is sure to make the evidence of those sweaty hours melt away like the first snows of winter.
Essence of Cog soap will remove grease, grime, experimental detritus, dust, powder flares, oil spills, and the soot of explosions from your personage. More stubborn marks may require several applications and the most tenacious stains may require the addition of Elbow Grease (coming soon from Steampunkeire Soapworks in a convenient 12 gallon tub).
Essence of Goggle:
“Excuse me, Sir... I am dreadfully sorry, Madam... but...”
“YOU APPEAR TO HAVE FORGOTTEN YOUR GOGGLES.”
Inexorably you feel the crimson tinge of deep embarrassment creep across your dermis until you resemble a ripe tomato.
Never let this happen again! By using this soap in your bathing routine, your personage will become imbued with the subtle and immutable scent of goggles. Why, you won’t even need to be wearing a pair – the very essence of goggle will intimate itself in your immediate surroundings.
Thus armed, you may go forth amongst the populace secure in the knowledge that wherever your wanderings may lead you, you will always have the “Essence of Goggle” exuding from you!
Essence of Bustle: Never has there been an item of clothing that has inspired so many poets, artists and other servants of the muse as the bustle. Taking the natural contours of the feminine form and using the arcane mysteries of needle and thread to accentuate and enhance these natural blessings, the bustle is the very pinnacle of the seamstresses’ art. Never before have the mavens of science attempted to harness so potent an object! After many trials and no few mishaps of an explosive nature we are delighted to announce that the secret has been unlocked – we can now offer the general populace the very “Essence of Bustle” in an elegant bar of soap!
Upon application the wearer will surround themselves with a scent reminiscent of frills and ruffles, a heady intimation of sashaying hips and silken pleats decked with lace wafts through the ether in an enticing haze.
IT IS OUR DUTY TO WARN YOU! Essence of Bustle may have unexpected aphrodisiac effects on the opposite or indeed, the same gender! Steampunkerie Soapworks can accept NO RESPONSIBILITY for awkward outpourings of affection, embarrassing declarations of undying adorations, inconvenient proposals of marriage and gifts of an elaborate nature that the wearer may find themselves surrounded with after using this soap.
Essence of Zepplin:The soaring heights of hygienic perfection can be yours by the simple application of this fine soap. The aroma will waft about your person majestically, bringing all who catch the scent the unmistakable image of a fine airship soaring above the clouds. Carefully crafted by the genius scientists of Steampunkerie Soapworks, they have used their (patent pending) process to distil the very essence of zeppelin and imprison it within the elegant confines of this luxurious soap. Mad, they called us, when we first attempted the process! But who is laughing now?
NO DIRIGIBLES HAVE BEEN HARMED (BEYOND REPAIR) IN THE MAKING OF THIS SOAP.
Soaps from Steampunkerie Soapworks come wrapped delightfully in a page from a GENUINE VICTORIAN work of NONFICTION (the original book was damaged beyond any other purpose and rescued from destruction by the laboratory’s technicians, and is now being put to a decorative use). Currently in use is the 1874 edition of “The Smaller British Birds”. This is not a copy, but an actual page carefully extracted from the antique book.
(Please note any mention of tits, boobies or snarks refers to smaller British bird breeds and Steampunkerie Soapworks cannot be held responsible for any fainting that may occur upon a too-hasty perusal of the texts provided. To the pure – all is pure.)
Listen not to the foolish fellows who claim that this particular bar of soap smells remarkably as though it has been perfumed with Essential Oil of Rose – such individuals suffer from a small minded lack of imagination and can safely be ignored.
Steampunkerie soaps are crafted using a hot process with such ingredients as Sodium palmate, Sodium palm kernalate, Aqua, fragrance, Vegetable Glycerine, Sodium Chloride, HEDP, EDTA, Organic Colour Pigments, Titanium Dioxide.
Each bar weighs 100 grams, and lathers beautifully.
Through cunning modification of the soapmaking process these essences can be altered to put one in mind of other less exotic flavours if preferred. If the recipient is enamoured of any of the following scents, they are advised to start a conversation with us so that a custom order may be produced. Scents currently available are: Lime Blossom, Mango Butter, Rose Petal, White Gardenia, Orange Crush, Honeysuckle, Passionfruit, Freesia and Lemongrass. (Other scents available on request, if you have something specific in mind, please do ask.)
Likewise if larger quantities or specific combinations are required, we encourage you to contact our laboratory for a personal consultation.
Posts
January 16, 2010 at 11:21 PM
I say! That's dashed clever.
Post a Comment